Preamble
This trip report was written a week after I returned home. I submitted it to the NSS News. It was rejected as being disparaging to the officer, so on administrative grounds it was not published.
It was submitted to the Grotto newsletter and was published. Bewilderment as to why the NSS would allow this to happen. Only the editor and Ancient Caver knew. Then the newsletter was delayed.
Nobody knew but me. I was waiting for the publication. At KOR there was Angry Lady yelling at me about Convention. What a bummer. Wife and kids were there. Angry lady is a threat.
My Last NSS Convention
Got on the road Saturday morning. A vibration made me stop to find I had not torqued the new trailer tire enough. This could have been bad. I did my best with a tire iron. Got them fixed properly down the road. I will be sure to torque them down next time.
At Mt Vernon, the engine temp went up. This was my caving' area and I knew all the car repair garages around. I could have pulled into the Grotto campground and gotten the leak fixed tomorrow. Instead, I bought a gallon of antifreeze and kept going. (New radiator: $500 when I got back.)
Later, my phone driving directions were not working well. I stopped for gas, and a caver angel named Dave asked if I was a caver. I followed him to NSS Registration at Cookeville High School. I never saw him after registration, so maybe he was an apparition.
I drove around the Putnam County fairgrounds twice before I saw the elusive power cord out the back of an RV. I set my camp nearby and I had good power the entire week. I never unpacked my carefully prepared batteries and generator.
Sunday morning started with a western sky rainbow. It was there for a while. Then it faded and the thunderstorm came in. It really blew my camper around a bit. When the rain stopped I pounded in more tent pegs to keep my awning from blowing away..
Monday thrilled everybody with cold water only in the campground showers. The convention opening happened in the High School commons. The circular staircase made a good speaker platform. Next, I went to see stereoscopic pictures of caves. The day ended with the howdy party.
Tuesday was a slow day and I skipped the afternoon sessions. I collected my tools to make a silver ball from 150 CDs for the Music Barn. That ball took a couple of hours. I wanted to move it closer to the stage, but could not find someone with a ladder. There was a medical emergency that brought the fire trucks into the campground behind the hot tub. The heavy trucks left muddy ruts that could be bypassed with a detour through the Music Barn. I remember saying something insulting to an Angry Lady who was talking during the Tuesday music.
Wednesday night I make a hexastix for the caver Tiki Lounge. It is not a real bar as it only has mixers. The NSS provided open taps of beer and cider. Walking thru the Music Barn, I was yelled at by Angry Lady about Tuesday. She had a bunch of people behind her. I apologized to her, and called her a nice lady. She was disappointed I did not respond to her nasty talk and her people lost interest. I went away from them as I was not looking for trouble.
I have a briefcase of pencils to make hexastix. It took several hours to push all 72 pencils into the correct position and orientation. A lot of people saw me constructing that device. When I finished I took my pencil briefcase back to camp. I just had to go back to the bar and tidy up and call it a night
I came back thru the Music Barn. Angry Lady was telling me to stay out of the barn. Then she slapped me. I did not react as it did not hurt. Her friend, Tattoo Lady, said she was calling security. I was not going to run away as I did nothing. Tattoo Lady came over to talk to me in a friendly manner and I told her I did not want to be involved.
Security Guy arrived and did not ask me what was going on. He asked me to leave and I did. Outside he grabbed my arm in a hard lock. He said "Lets go to your camp so you can sleep it off!" and sucker punched me. Security Guy had training as next he slapped my cider mug out of my hand so it was not a threat. Was he going to let me wake up in a puddle of my blood to teach me a lesson. I yelled “Help, Security”, but he yelled “I am security” and no one helped me. I was frogmarched to the gate because I challenged his authority. Angry Lady was getting revenge.
At the gate I was met by a local cop. I told him that the Security Guy had assaulted me.. He did talk to Security Guy and Tattoo Lady out of earshot. Why is Tattoo Lady giving testimony to the police when I have had minimal contact with her? The cop noticed the blood on my face. This is an abnormal way of handling this situation. What campground rule did I violate?
Thursday was unique. The intake cell at the county jail is odd shaped with one opaque window at the small triangle end. The other end had the door and windows coated so they were mirrors except when real close. Four people were already there when I arrived. The AC did not work. Ten men were in there later in the day before people were bailed out.
I could not bail myself out. Someone on the community had to post bond or I could get a bondsman. There was a list of about a dozen bondsman next to the jail cell phone. Those that answered did not want to waste their time with a measly $300 bond when they could be handling a $5000 bond. I was small fish.
My turn on the phone to get a bondsman cam around in rotation with the phone sex with girlfriends. Bondsmen did not want to help me as I was from out of town. Lunch is a grilled cheese sandwich with a homemade buckeye for desert.
At six PM they take me to the jail proper. I try to find a place to hide. It is scary. After an hour, my name is called as I finally got a bondsman. Bob Carter got me out and gave me a ride to the camper for a $75 fee. He is a prince among men. He even bluffed me through NSS gate security as my credentials had been confiscated. My camp was OK, but some food was spoiled. My pencil briefcase was safe in the camper. At the caver bar my hexastix was still there so I left it as bar decoration. I considered packing up and going home. I did not want to drive at night, so I stayed.
Friday I intended to get my credentials from the registration desk, but security had them at the gate. They gave them to me on the way out. My iPhone was still in with the credentials. I drove to the school, but I did not know who to contact. It is embarrassing to tell people about the drunk tank and you want help. I was afraid they would say stop whining. (When I wrote to them they ignored me.)
At the courthouse I paid my $248 fine to clerk Vickie Callahan who was dressed up in a blue dress with white pearls. I told her the pearls looked so pretty. The courthouse is across from the Char restaurant.
Back at the high school I listened to some of the cartographic reviews. Gosh those people can be picky. Interesting to see that a lot more thought goes into a cave map than just where it goes. I put my iPad on top of a vending machine and I was halfway to camp when I came back and found it gone. On top of everything I LOST MY IPAD!
The banquet was great. I got to sit with a bunch of friends. I did not win an award for most dangerous person at the convention who must be locked up. I did not ruin my friends dinner by discussing jail.
Saturday was the joy of packing in the rain. Hot Ramen noodles on a Coleman stove are a good breakfast for that work. I had pulled the camper in from the road. When it was connected I backed up straight over the wet grass to the road. A county worker came over to me and told me my driving was a work of art. He was sure he was going to have to pull me out if I had driven through the wet, rutty fields. It is nice to be appreciated.
I drove home past Knoxville. Longer, but less risk.
I had originally thought this convention might be my last one as I might not have another one close. This is definitely my last as I will never return to a NSS function where I do not feel safe.